


Turn

by sleepysweaters



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, cute shit, jily isn't a couple, just implied she's warming up to him, mainly remus pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 16:32:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17165405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepysweaters/pseuds/sleepysweaters
Summary: Remus is invited to James's for the holidays along with Sirius.-Or the one where Remus is hopelessly in love with Sirius, but no one knows except for Lily.





	Turn

**Author's Note:**

> Title is Turn by The Wombats because it gives me serious sirius x remus vibes.
> 
> also enjoy!

Christmas time was a time Remus dreaded because he always ended up alone at Hogwarts for the holiday. His father didn’t want him at home, especially since it was so close to the full moon (nearly three weeks). The castle being decorated for Christmas made the boy feel alone, even when he was surrounded with his friends.

“I’m so ready to go home,” James started as he laid his head on his hands as he stared into the distance. Remus wished he related to the feeling, but he just couldn’t.

His father hated what Remus had become and it made the holidays unenjoyable. During the summer, he’d find an excuse to go to James’ house before the full moon and then come back home. Christmas break was only a couple weeks compared to the months summer break held.

“I’m excited to spend it with friends,” James said and Remus looked up with him with an annoyed look. The Indian boy looked over at Remus once he heard the light brunette boy huff. “What?”

“You mean you’re spending Christmas with Sirius, which is one friend,” Remus snapped and James tilted his head at the other. Sirius heard his name and looked over at the two to see the brunette roll his eyes at the two.

“I thought you were going to come too?” James asked sadly and Sirius looked sad as well. Remus squinted his eyes at them before he closed them and took a long deep breath in.

“How the fuck was I supposed to know I’m coming if I’m not invited?” Remus asked and James looked at with him a perplexed look.

“I asked if you were going home for Christmas and you said no,” James said as if it made sense that Remus would automatically know that meant he was going to James’.

“That’s not asking if I’m going to yours, dumbass,” Remus said and Sirius started laugh and nodded, because the brunette had a point. His laugh caused Remus to feel a tug at his heart, something he typically ignored because he wasn’t supposed to feel anything for his best friend; especially since Sirius only showed interest in girls.

“Well, can you come to mine for the holidays?” James asked and Remus looked back over at the black haired boy and shrugged.

“I don’t want to intrude, especially since I still can’t sleep anywhere by here and home,” Remus said and James looked at him with a pout.

“Please, pretty please,” he begged and then Sirius replicated to actions of his friend. His swept his messy shoulder length black hair out of his face and the pout on his lips made Remus swallow hard.

“Please, Moony, I’ll do anything,” Sirius begged and that’s when Remus stood up and shook his head.

“I’ll write my parents, but don’t act like children again,” he ordered before he collected his things and looked at the two with an annoyed look, one that probably never left his face. “I’m going back to the dorm now.”

Once he exited the Great Hall, his cheeks flared up from thinking about how Sirius looked. Typically, Remus was put together, but he hadn’t expected that. Sure, he remained clam, but he wanted to just kiss the other right there, because he was told Sirius would do anything he wanted.

His shook his head slightly as he walked down the corridors and tried to make it to the Gryffindor entrance without being bothered. It was a rare occurrence that he could walk the corridors without someone trying to speak to him about tutoring or even just advice in general.

“Moony, wait up!” Sirius called out and once again, Remus didn’t make it to the entrance without being bothered. It wasn’t that Sirius bothered him, because he enjoyed the company of his friend, but the premise of not being left alone was annoying to him.

Remus halted to wait for the other to catch up and then catch his breath. The brunette was taller than the other, meaning his legs created longer strides. Sirius was mostly torso, unlike Remus who was mainly just leg.

“Can I help you?” Remus inquired once the two started to walk to the dorm once again. For a moment, Sirius was silent and looked to be deep in thought before he looked over at the other with a smile.

“Nope, just thought I’d walk with my best friend,” Sirius said and Remus raised an eyebrow at the other boy. “Well, I mean you could always help me understand potions better.”

“Why not ask Lily? She’s far better at potions than I am,” Remus said and Sirius sighed. The brunette gave him a side look to see an annoyed expression from the black haired boy. “Or there’s Marlene.”

“I don’t want to bother them. Why can’t you help me? We do live in the same room after all, Moony,” Sirius said and Remus nodded in agreement that they did live in the same room.

“I’ll help you, but I have to write this letter first. Unless you want to tell James you prevented me from being able to go to his house for the holidays,” Remus said and Sirius shook his head at the thought of that. James would actually murder his friend if he actually didn’t let Remus be able to ask if he could come over.

The rest of the walk was mostly silent, except for Sirius’s occasional humming. The humming kept Remus calm because he didn’t have to focus on the way his walking sounded throughout the corridors. He hated how he sounded like he was some sumo wrestler with his walk, but he knew he just hated himself in general.

“Leaping chocolate frogs,” Remus said and the portrait opened up to reveal the common room. The first person to be seen was Lily Evans, who was seated at a table near the door. “Are you not going to dinner?”

The ginger girl jumped at the sudden voice and looked over to see Remus’s look of concern and how Sirius stood behind him. She shook her head and held up a box of Ritz crackers, which caused the brunette to chuckle at her.

“I would’ve brought you dinner if you had asked,” Remus said and Lily smiled at him only to see an annoyed Sirius, which made her smile fall.

“Come on, Moony, you need to go write that letter,” Sirius instructed and brunette ignored him in order to talk to Lily a little longer. She was the only person that Remus felt like understood him in the sense of academically and just in general.

“Are you feeling okay? You usually don’t miss dinner for homework, which you can do in the Great Hall.”

“I just needed some quiet to do it. I promise I’m okay, Rem,” she said as she crossed her heart with her index finger to get a laugh out of him. The two always said they crossed their hearts to anything that seemed important. He understood needing silence to do homework at times, but not missing dinner.

“Anyways, I need to go write up a letter asking my father if I can go to the Potter’s for Christmas,” Remus said and Lily gave him a huge smile.

“I hope he says yes, because I didn’t like the idea of being alone on Christmas here,” she said and that’s when Sirius grabbed his arm with a huff.

“Come on, Remus,” he said as he dragged him and the brunette waved by to the girl before he followed the other up the stairs to the dorm.

"What’s with you? I was just talking to Lily,” Remus said once the two arrived in their room. He placed his things on his bed before he got out his parchment, quill, and ink.

“She was flirting with you the entire time, did you not notice?” Sirius asked and Remus gave him a perplexed look.

“First off, she’s just a friend. Second off,” Remus stopped his sentence when he realized what he was about to say. The only person he had told he was only into blokes was Lily, so she knew there was no chance between them, but he hadn’t told his friends.

“Second off?” Sirius asked and Remus just shook his head with a laugh.

“Honestly, she’s just a friend and she knows that. Also, I think she’s finally warming up to James, so why would I try to ruin that?” Remus asked and Sirius nodded, but didn’t look convinced.

“Get to writing the letter so you can help me with potions and all the other subjects because I’m struggling,” Sirius said and Remus rolled his eyes. He had already wrote out half the letter before being instructed to.

“Dear Father, I was wondering if you could grant permission to go to the Potter residence for Christmas. James has invited me and I promise I won’t cause any trouble while I’m there. Please reply soon, Remus,” the brunette read out and Sirius gave him a thumbs up.

“Sounds perfect,” Sirius said as he dug through his bag to find his own parchment.

“You sure it doesn’t sound too fast pace or weird?” Remus asked and Sirius looked over at him from across the room.

“No, it sounds like you’re asking permission.”

“Well no shit, Siri,” Remus said with a roll of his eyes and noticed the light pink blush on Sirius’s face. Maybe he was embarrassed he couldn’t find his parchment. “I can give you some parchment if you need any?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Sirius said with a chuckle and the blush died down on his face returning back to the porcelain color once more. He got up and went over to Remus’s bed to sit down. The messy haired boy had multiple books in his hands and Remus bit his lip as he noticed how long the other’s fingers were.

“Where do you want to start?” Remus asked and Sirius shrugged as he placed the books upon the bed and sighed.

“You’re the teacher, tell me what to do,” Sirius said and Remus felt his mouth go dry. He knew his friend didn’t try to be sexual with him, but it made the brunette’s head swirl anyways.

“Hmm, potions first because that’s the first thing you mentioned,” Remus said after he had regained salvia back in his mouth.

“Sounds like a plan.”

______________________

Remus received a letter from his father instructing how the Potters must write letters on the brunette’s behavior during the break. It was the fear of Remus going into wolf form, or even becoming aggressive with others, even though that wouldn’t be the case.

“You ready?” James asked and he was so excited he couldn’t stop moving. Remus did one more sweep through his things before he got his trunk and he left with James and Sirius.

Peter wouldn’t be accompanying the three since his mother refused to give him up for the holidays. The blonde knew she would be like this, but asked anyways and got the answer he expected. Although they were sad, they understood how Peter’s family loved him; something Remus and Sirius were both jealous of.

“You’re going to love it, they go all out for Christmas. For a pureblood family, they do it the muggle way,” Sirius whispered over to Remus and James looked over at the two of them.

“Hey, don’t make fun of my Christmas,” James said with a pout and Remus laughed at the Indian boy.

“My family does it the muggle way too,” the brunette comforted the other and Sirius laughed at the statement. It made sense for Remus to celebrate the muggle way since he was a half-blood and his mother had wanted him to feel like a normal boy.

The three were in the Common Room and Peter was still packing for home, so they waited on him. Lily came up to them with a big smile directed towards Remus.

“I’m glad your father let you go,” she said and James looked at the two with a perplexed expression.

“I know, it’s kind of like a Christmas miracle. Are you ready to go home?” He asked and Lily sighed with a shrug.

“I’m not exactly sure, but I know it’s better than being alone. Severus was going to come over for Christmas, but since the incident; I’ve told him to not show his face.”

“Wait, what incident?” James asked and she looked over at him with an annoyed expression. Only Remus could look through it to see she was actually happy that someone cared about her that wasn’t her brunette friend.

“He called me a mudblood. Don’t go doing anything rash, because he apologize, but I’m not interested in associating with him anymore,” she said and James looked infuriated. Sirius held an upset expression on his face as well, but not one like his friend.

“That git,” James said and Lily laughed at the comment. The anger in the black haired boy’s face diminished at the laughter and he smiled at her. He was so smitten and obvious that Remus wondered if he would ever try to hide it.

“It’s really okay, James, don’t worry,” she said before she walked up the stairs without a goodbye. They all knew there would be a goodbye at the train station, so there was no use for one currently.

“She called me James, holy shit,” the boy said and Sirius patted him on the back while he looked over at Remus with a knowing look. The words the other had spoken last week about Lily warming up to James ended up being true, even though Remus knew they were true.

“Maybe next time she’ll call you boyfriend,” Sirius said and Remus rolled his eyes at the comment. He didn’t want to get James’s hopes up because if that happened and Lily continued to reject him, then Remus would feel at fault.

“Hey, ready to go?” Peter asked and the three boys jumped at the sudden voice. The blonde had come out of nowhere and Remus clutched his chest from the amount of fear that had just coursed through him. “You act like I’m terrifying.”

“When you come out of fucking nowhere, you’re terrifying,” Sirius commented as he clutched Remus’s shoulder and his own chest at the same time.

“Let’s just go get breakfast,” Peter said with an eye roll and Remus nodded at the suggestion. Breakfast sounded good and not terrifying.

\------------

“What am I supposed to call your parents?” Remus asked while they were on the train. His fingers strummed against his bouncing leg, which Sirius kept trying to prevent from moving by placing his hand on his knee.

It wasn’t Sirius’s fault that whenever he touched Remus, the brunette got even more nervous. It wasn’t Sirius’s fault how Remus had fallen in love with him, even though the brunette wished he could blame the messy boy.

“Just call them Mr. and Mrs. Potter, because they prefer to be called different names by everyone,” James said and Sirius looked at him confused.

“But we both call them mum and dad,” Sirius said and James laughed for a moment.

“You basically live at my house, they consider you their son, moron.”

Remus remembered the time where the Potters had introduced Sirius as their son and the question of if the boy was adopted came up. It was understandable since Sirius was French and Korean compared to the Potters who were Indian. The stories of James’s dad coming from India to Europe as a child had always inspired Remus in a way, even if Fleamont had been a young child when this had occurred.

“I always forget what they want me to call them, because I’m anxious the entire time we’re there,” Remus admitted and James gave him a sad smile and a shake of his head.

“They love you, Rem, don’t be anxious. Sadly, I don’t remember what anyone calls them besides Sirius and me, because it’s mum and dad,” James admitted and Remus chuckled before he bit his lip slightly.

“Hey, maybe one day they’ll tell you to call them mum and dad,” Sirius said with a smile and Remus smiled at that. He wanted a dad who didn’t act ashamed of him due to being a werewolf, because it wasn’t like Remus had wanted that.

Remus knew his father didn’t actually hate him, but hated the thing he was. He wished he could be angry with the man, but Remus also hated the monster he was. He hated almost everything about himself, so he couldn’t blame his father for being weary around him.

“You okay, Moony?” James asked and Remus blinked a couple times before he noticed the concerned look on his friend’s face and how Sirius was asleep next to James.

“Yeah, just thinking. It’s easy to get caught up in my thoughts,” Remus said and James’s expression didn’t change.

“Do you need to talk about it?” James asked and Remus shook his head with a smile. Although he enjoyed the sentimental nature of his friend, he didn’t want to express how much he hated himself.

“I’ll be okay, I’m probably just tired or something. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go look for Peter,” Remus said as he stood up and left before James could object.

The train wasn’t packed like it typically was at the beginning and end of the year. The boy had forgotten what it was like to go somewhere for Christmas, because he hadn’t spent Christmas at home since second year.

“Remus,” Lily said as she opened her compartment door. He turned to see Peter in there and he was cozied up next to Marlene, the girl Remus thought Sirius was dating.

“Hey guys, do you mind if I steal my friend Peter?” Remus asked and no one objected as the brunette dragged the blonde out of there. “What are you doing cozying up to Marlene when she’s dating Sirius?”

Peter gave him a confused look and it was obvious he wasn’t sure what to say. He tended to squint his eyes and have an uncomfortable smile on his face.

“Well?” Remus questioned and Peter wouldn’t look at the brunette, which caused the brunette to growl at him. Even though he had promised his friends to try to be less aggressive, he wasn’t going to let Peter hurt Sirius.

“Sirius isn’t dating her, because he’s well,” Peter said and motioned with his hands as if Remus was supposed to know what that meant. The confused expression caused the blonde to huff and roll his eyes. “He’s gay, okay? Just don’t tell him I told you, even though I thought you already knew.”

“Oh,” Remus said and it was the only thing that came to mind. He wasn’t sure how to respond or even process this information, so he walked back to Lily’s compartment with the blonde and Lily exited once Peter entered.

“Are you okay?” She asked as she tilted her head. The door shut and Remus looked at her and sighed. Was he okay?

“Pete just told me Sirius is gay,” he said and she looked at him just a shocked as he felt. Typically he wouldn’t expose other’s secrets, but he trusted Lily to not tell anyone else.

“Well isn’t that a good thing? You obviously like him,” she said and he looked at her with a panicked expression.

“I’m obvious? Holy shit, everyone probably knows,” he said and he gripped at his hair only for her to place a hand on his arm and chuckle.

“Only I notice, because I know what to look for. Everyone thinks you’re the straight Gryffindor prefect, so don’t worry,” she reassured and his breathing slowed down and he nodded at her, because maybe she was right.

“Okay, I’m just going to go back to my compartment now and pretend I didn’t learn this information,” Remus informed her before leaving her in front of her compartment. She waved goodbye at him and walked back into the compartment to leave him wandering the train confused.

How could Sirius be gay if all he talked about were girls? He tried to not talk about sex in front of Remus, because it made the brunette uncomfortable, but it would happen at times. It was hard to believe that someone who attempted to get laid regularly with girls couldn’t be gay. Maybe Sirius was bisexual and Peter didn’t understand the concept.

Remus sat down across from James and Sirius, the long haired boy had moved next to the other, and sighed. How was he going to not ask questions when he was so confused.

“Did you find Pete?” James asked and Remus nodded as he pulled out a book from his bag. James looked at him curiously through his glasses while Sirius looked out the train window. “Why didn’t you bring him back?”

“He was busy cuddling with Marlene, who I thought was dating Sirius but I guess not,” Remus said and Sirius looked over at the mention of his name.

“Wait what about Sirius?” He asked and Remus rolled his eyes as James chuckled. It was obvious how he hadn’t paid attention due to his lack of sleep.

“I thought you were dating Marlene,” Remus said once again and Sirius scrunched his nose at the idea of that. “You do hang out with her a lot and act very affectionate.”

“I’m affectionate with you, but that doesn’t mean we’re dating. Also, she’s not my type,” Sirius informed the brunette and Remus tried to not wear his heart on his sleeve. It was different being told they weren’t dating than knowing it.

He could imagine how one day there would be some big romantic gesture and Sirius would love him, but that wasn’t the case. Remus knew the other didn’t love him, but the reassurance of that tore at his heart.

The brunette opened his book and read the rest of the way. He didn’t make a comment to anything said in the compartment and once they got to the station, Sirius pulled him aside.

“Hey, are you okay? You kind of shut down on the train,” Sirius said as he placed his hand on Remus’s shoulder. The tight and forced smile from the brunette seemed to pass as a real one to the other.

“I’m fine, just tired and hungry. Peter told me something that hasn’t really made sense,” Remus admitted and Sirius’s raised his eyebrow at him.

“What did he tell you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said with a shrug because it obviously didn’t matter if Sirius himself wasn’t going to tell the other about his sexuality.

“You can tell me later if you like, but don’t keep it bottled up,” Sirius said before he ruffled the other’s hair and the two went over the Potters.

“Are you boys going to go say bye to Peter? James is harassing that Evans girl again, what will we do with him?” Mrs. Potter asked and Remus chuckled over at the sight of James following Lily.

“Hello, Mrs. Evans, I’m James Potter and I intend on marrying your daughter,” he said and Lily attempted to get her mother out of there as soon as possible.

“Please leave me alone, Potter,” she said and her mother laughed at James. She obviously didn’t think he was serious when Sirius and Remus knew he was.

“James Potter, get your arse over here,” Mrs. Potter yelled and the Indian boy’s cheeks had hints of red poking out. His friends noticed how he trudged over and Lily laughed at James now.

“Mum, you’re embarrassing me,” James whined with a throw back of his head.

“More like you’re embarrassing yourself, let’s go. I think I saw Peter already leave, so much as well leave too,” she said and Remus looked over to see Sirius staring at some girl across the way.

There was definitely no way his friend could be gay, because there definitely was no interest in guys from him. Although Remus had been slightly excited to think he’d found someone else who was gay, it wasn’t real. He was going to be alone until he was out of Hogwarts and his own home.

_____________________

“Okay, Remus, you’ve got to decide who to room with because I’m not allowing you to sleep on the couch,” Mrs. Potter said and Mr. Potter nodded from the dining table where he was reading the Daily Prophet. The brunette wanted to tell them how he didn’t want to impose, because that’s what his dad instructed, but he knew they wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“What are the options?”

“Either James or Sirius. We used to have a guest room, but our new son was gifted that,” Mr. Potter said as he looked up from the paper and Remus sighed.

“To think, I even have to room with these two when on break,” Remus joked and Mrs. Potter laughed. He was stalling because he didn’t know who to room with.

“You don’t have to decide this very minute, but Sirius has a king sized bed and James snores,” Mrs. Potter said with a wink and Remus felt nauseated. Could she tell he was into Sirius, was he obvious?

He tried to remember how Lily said everyone saw him as straight besides her, but only because she knew. There had been previous conversations about how people knew Sirius was overly affectionate, so it was okay to go along with it; no one ever suspected anything due to the other’s typical nature.

“Seems like mum is on my side,” Sirius said and James pouted.

“I don’t snore that loud.”

“Key word is that,” Remus said and Sirius chuckled at the remark. His words on the train of how they weren’t dating still rang through the other’s ears. It wasn’t fair for Sirius to be so pretty and not like Remus.

“I’ll even sleep on the floor for you, because my bed is pretty wonderful,” Sirius said and it seemed like everyone wanted him to room with the French Korean boy.

“Let me think about it, because I’m not making you sleep on the floor and you hog the bed a lot,” Remus commented and Sirius pouted.

“I do not.”

“Do too.”

Sirius was about to respond when James appeared with a bunch of tinsel. The brunette hadn’t even noticed the other’s absence and the Christmas decoration was random.

“Let’s decorate the tree!” James exclaimed and Remus hadn’t thought Sirius was truthful about how the Potters did things the muggle way. They all looked at the brunette amazed when he did things easily.

“How do you do that?” Mr. Potter asked as Remus strung the tinsel with no problem.

“I guess practice? I’m in charge of tree decorating at home usually,” he said with a shrug and the older man looked at him amazed.

“Whatever girl marries you will be granted beautiful Christmases because you’re so good at decorating,” the man said and Remus smiled with a nod. His felt a knot in his stomach from how James’s father said how he’d marry a girl, because Remus knew one day he may actually have to.

“Yeah, I guess,” Remus chuckled and then Christmas music started to play through the house from the record player. Conversation stopped as James belted out the lyrics with his tone-deaf voice. The brunette smiled because this is what he wanted Christmas to look like; a happy and loving family coming together.

_____________________

Fleamont and Euphemia had gone to bed and told the boys to not be up too late. Remus sat on the couch in front of the fire while Sirius and James played wizard’s chess on the floor. It almost felt like he was still at Hogwarts with the atmosphere that surrounded him due to how normal it all felt. All that was needed was Peter seated next to him watching the other two very intently.

“Want to play, Moony?” James asked and Remus shook his head. He enjoyed watching the two play because of how concentrated they both got. He also didn’t want either of them whining when he beat them horribly.

“You scared you’re going to lose?” Sirius teased and the brunette looked over at him with his eyebrow raised.

“I’ll have you know I beat Dumbledore in wizard’s chess when I was 11. You should be the one to be afraid to lose,” he said and Sirius looked back down at the chess board before he started to laugh. James shushed him for being too loud, but Sirius seemed to not care.

“Why are you so good at everything?” Sirius asked as his laughter died down and Remus didn’t know what he meant. There were so many things he wasn’t good at.

“I’m not.” His answer was short because he didn’t want to dish out all of his problems at once. He didn’t want to open up about things he’d never told anyone, especially the things his father didn’t know he knew.

“Bullshit, you’re good at school and helping people and apparently wizard’s chess,” Sirius argued and James kept flickering his eyes between the two.

“There’s so much shit you don’t know, Padfoot. Just drop it,” Remus said flatly as he stood up. He towered over each boy when they were all standing, but now he truly towered over them.

“Then tell us. I thought we were your friends,” Sirius said as he jumped up to his feet to attempt to get into Remus’s face. The only problem was the black haired boy was five inches shorter than the other.

“Just drop it,” Remus demanded and Sirius bit his lip in response. It was obvious he wanted to say something, but Remus was getting angry. It wasn’t good when Remus was angry, especially if he were to get violent.

“Hey let’s calm down, okay?” James suggested and Remus looked over at him and took a deep breath in. It was needed to tell him to calm down at times because he struggled with his temper.

“I’m sorry, there’s just things I’m not comfortable talking about,” Remus confessed and James nodded slowly to show he understood. Sirius just stared at him with a blank expression and slowly sat back down.

“It’s understandable to not be ready to talk about things, but we’ll be here for you. Right, Sirius?” James asked and he nudged the other with his foot.

“Yeah, we’ll be here,” Sirius said with a dead tone and Remus just nodded at James. He didn’t know what to do because he didn’t want to stay in this room, but he sure didn’t want to go to sleep just yet.

“Who am I rooming with?” Remus asked and James had sat down by the point the other had spoken.

“Whoever you want, my bed is smaller than Sirius’s though,” James said and Remus went over to grab his trunk with a huff.

“Will someone please show me to Sirius’s room?”

Sirius stood up and walked over to the other and motioned him to follow him. The Potter house was huge with so many rooms and three floors. The two went to the second floor and there was a door that had Sirius’s name on it and two doors down from that there was on that said James.

“Here you go,” Sirius said as he opened the door and Remus entered without a word to have the other grab onto his arm. “What’s going on with you lately?”

“I’m really not sure what you mean,” the brunette said and Sirius sighed. Did the boy mean how he had been distancing himself since he didn’t want to be in love with the other anymore? Or maybe it was how Remus just felt tired constantly and all he did was class, homework, eat, and sleep.

“You’re suddenly super close to Evans, you haven’t been talking to any of us, and you act like you hate me,” Sirius said and Remus wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh at the idea of him hating the other, because it was the opposite of so.

“You know I don’t hate you and Lily is literally just a friend. Am I not allowed to have other friends?” Remus asked and Sirius looked like he knew he was screwed.

“I never said that.”

“I’m just going through shit, okay? I’m working out on my own,” Remus said firmly and Sirius looked away from him and then back.

“You don’t have to, you know? We’re all here for you.”

“You made that very clear with your enthusiasm earlier,” Remus snapped and Sirius sighed as he looked away from the other. The brunette waited a couple seconds for the other to speak and when he didn’t, he pulled away from him and went into the room.

“I’m sorry, for being an ass, okay?” Sirius asked and he still stood outside the door to his own room. Remus looked over at him and shrugged. “You mentioned Peter said something earlier to you, what was it?”

“It really doesn’t matter, I promise,” Remus said as he turned his back to the door. If he didn’t have to look at the other, then he wouldn’t have to have this confrontation now.

“I can tell it’s bothering you to not talk about, so why not just tell me?” Sirius asked, but in a way it sounded as though his was pleading.

“He said you’re gay.”

It fell silent in the room and Sirius took a step in as he turned on the light. His room was messy even though there was only a desk, bed, and mirror in it. Clothes scattered all over the floor and his desk piled with used parchment.

"Why would that bother you?”

“It doesn’t, I just don’t believe it. You’re Sirius Black, the guy that sleeps around with the girls of Hogwarts. You just can’t be gay,” Remus reasoned and Sirius bit his lip and looked at the blue and green striped walls. “Also you never said anything to me.”

“You never said anything to me about your crush on Lily. How do you think it makes James feel to see his best mate all cozied up to the love of his life?” Sirius snapped and Remus looked at him confused.

“I don’t have any romantic feelings for Lily, and that’s not even what we’re talking about. You’re avoiding answering if you’re gay or not.”

There was sigh and Remus turned to see Sirius’s face focused on the floor. He wasn’t looking at the wallpaper or the boy, but the floor.

“I don’t know,” Sirius responded and Remus bit his lip. What did he mean by he didn’t know? Remus had known since he was 12 when he had seen Bertram Aubrey smile his way. It was a simple crush that went away before the year was up, but it was his first ever crush.

“How don’t you know? It’s so easy to know,” Remus said with a flail of his hands and Sirius looked confused now. Shit, Remus shouldn’t have said that.

“How would you know?”

“Well, you see, people have informed me on how homosexuals are. I hear a lot of things from being a prefect. Confessions of love and also confessions of sexuality.”

Sirius didn’t seem to buy the explanation and rolled his eyes. He took a step forward to be closer to the brunette and Remus’s gulped slightly. It was hard to not be obvious when a hot boy stared at you with intensity that made you almost come. It also didn’t help how Sirius’s hair was down, something Remus really liked.

“Who’s the lucky bloke?” Sirius asked and Remus’s face contorted into a confused one. He must have been really good at hiding his feelings.

“There isn’t one, because I’m not gay,” Remus said and Sirius chuckled as he grabbed the other’s chin to bring him down to his eye level.

“Why are you lying to me?” Sirius asked and his breath was hot against the boy’s face. Remus wanted to melt into his touch, but he knew he couldn’t do so. He couldn’t let anyone know he was gay, except for Lily who had only found out because he had been plastered.

“I’m not, why are you avoiding my question, Black?” Remus retorted and the grip on his chin disappeared when Sirius took a step back.

“Alright, I’m gay, you happy?” He asked and his nonchalant expression made something stir inside of Remus. The werewolf was infuriated, but he didn’t want to blow up on his friend.

“No, I’m not happy. You told Peter before telling me, how do you think that makes me feel?” Remus asked and Sirius shrugged.

“You haven’t told any of us you’re gay, so I was returning the favor.”

“I’m not, but why would you think I was?” Remus asked and he was genuinely curious. If the other three had known he was gay, then why was it a big deal to be friendly with Lily?

“Only I know it, babe. I notice how you look at guys, especially how you used to look at Charles Diggory,” Sirius shrugged as he spoke. The brunette had forgotten about his infatuation with the Hufflepuff boy last year and how he didn’t try to keep it a secret.

“I just wanted to be his friend, he’s nice,” Remus said when in reality he almost had it as bad for Charles as he did Sirius.

He had met Charles during a Quidditch match and friendship had blossomed pretty immediately. The ginger boy had bright blue eyes and freckles all over his face, and Remus couldn’t help but fall for the other’s kindness and heart. No one knew how the two had a fling, if that was even a good word for it, and that’s why they no longer spoke. It had been an experiment for Charles and Remus lied saying it was an experiment for him as well, which only broke his heart more in the end.

“Why do care if I’m gay?” Remus asked and Sirius bit his lip before he sighed.

“I don’t want to be alone,” he responded and the brunette knew that was false. James had told the group how he was bisexual last year, and even if he wasn’t; he’d support all his friends.

“You have James.”

Sirius walked back up to the tall boy, yanking him down once more, and looked him in the eyes. He wetted his lips as he let his eyes flicker from Remus’s eyes to lips. “Maybe I want you.”

This was a dream for Remus, being so close to Sirius and almost kissing. It didn’t feel right, none of it felt right. Not in a sense that he didn’t want it, because he did, but he felt forced currently. He didn’t want to be yanked around during this, but have a gentle approach to it.

Remus pulled away from Sirius and grabbed his trunk. He refused to make eye contact with the other and he sighed. Sirius had shown him his feelings and Remus was rejecting them by trying to act straight. “Tell James I’m going to sleep in his room.”

“No need, I’ll sleep in there and you can sleep in here,” Sirius grumbled as his head hung low. The brunette looked over at him and felt himself moving without thinking.

The way he lifted the other’s chin and planted a soft kiss to his lips terrified Remus. He had for so long wanted to kiss the frown off his friend’s face, but had refrained. It was two nights till Christmas and he wanted this to be his gift. He wanted this soft kiss between him and the boy he loved to be his present.

“I’ll sleep in James’s room,” Remus repeatedly before he tried to scurry away from his actions. He hadn’t meant to do that, although he was happy he did, because even the tiniest kiss imaginable made him feel so happy and warm.

“Please, don’t leave,” Sirius whispered out and Remus tried to stop himself from turning around to look at the other. The pull of his body to turn to see Sirius standing so close him made him drop his trunk gently. “You can’t just kiss me and leave.”

“I mean, I can. I was just about to until you spoke,” the brunette said as he fumbled slightly and had difficulty looking the other in the eye.

“Can I kiss you?” Sirius asked and his voice so gentle. It was something Remus adored to hear, the softness of his voice brought out the deepness of it. Without a word, the brunette dipped down to kiss the other.

It wasn’t fierce or passionate, just a simple kiss that made Remus feel so warm he could almost be on fire from it. Sirius pulled away only to be pulled back in to meet the other’s lips. This kiss was filled with how Remus had wanted to kiss the other in his fantasies. Somehow Sirius ended up against a closed door as Remus kissed him and kissed him.

They were both breathless when they pulled away and Sirius looked up at the other with a smile. His smile made the other smile and kiss his forehead.

“So, you’re straight?” Sirius teased and Remus rolled his eyes. He wanted to retort with something witty, but he was exhausted. He had been tired before, but now he felt worn out.

“Actually I’m tired,” Remus replied and Sirius chuckled before he pushed the other softly to the bed. His knees caught on the bed as he fell and Sirius laughed at the oof that came from the other’s mouth.

“Too tired to kiss?” Sirius asked and Remus nodded, because he couldn’t do anymore of it now (even though he really wanted to). “Awe man.”

“Since when have you liked me?” Remus yawned and Sirius laid next to the other as soon as the brunette had situated under the covers.

“Since fourth year.”

“Fuck, Sirius, why didn’t you say anything?” Remus asked and the black haired boy shrugged his shoulders as if it wasn’t a big deal. It was a big deal to the werewolf, but a lot of things were big deals to him.

“I just knew it wasn’t reciprocated until you kissed me. I really put myself out there attempting to kiss you. Although I also wrote you love notes and I’m not sure who you thought they were from,” Sirius said as he looked over at Remus. The brunette loved the sight of Sirius’s long hair all over the pillow case and slightly in his face.

“I always thought they were from Charles I suppose, because he promised to do things like that for me.”

“So what do we do now?” Sirius asked and Remus shrugged. He had never been in a real relationship, because Charles only wanted to experiment with the idea of being with a boy.

“Do we date or something? You’re supposed to be the relationship expert,” Remus said as the two stared at the ceiling.

“I didn’t actually like any of them like I like you. I don’t want to fuck this up,” Sirius admitted and Remus sighed as he turned his head to notice the other stared at him. His pressed his lips against Sirius’s and smiled.

“Want to be my boyfriend and gross out James and Peter for the rest of our lives?” Remus asked and Sirius smiled at that.

“Of course, Moony. I wouldn’t want it any other way,” the black haired boy said and they both laughed for a moment. Silence fell over them as they just breathed and closed their eyes. They weren’t trying to sleep, but just enjoying the company of one another.

The brunette opened his eyes and pressed a kiss against the other’s nose. Sirius grumbled slightly before he placed his head on Remus’s chest and wrapped his arms around his torso. Remus indulged on the action and followed suit as he hummed happily.

“You know I asked for you for Christmas and I guess I got that gift early,” Remus said and Sirius smiled against his chest, he could feel it.

“I could give you more gifts,” Sirius mumbled into the other’s chest and Remus chuckled.

“Maybe on Christmas, in James’s room.”

“Sounds good to me, baby.”


End file.
